My Cell Phone Is Better Than Your Cell Phone

Image by Gian Cescon

My cell phone is better than your cell phone because I never have to look at it. It has this little peek-a-boo app that goes beep-beep every time I look away, especially when I’m crossing the street or in the company of other people (people?) or in the classroom or at the dinner table where people (people?  Again?) talk to each other (what’s that?).  It also has this little buzz-buzz warning sound and a little nudge-nudge when I’m in the classroom or at the dinner table warning me when I’m not supposed to be looking at my cell phone, which I don’t have to do, anymore, because my cell phone is looking at me, so I can pretend to be looking at you when I’m not. AND, best of all, it has this AI app that takes all my tests and writes all my essays for me!  On the photo app there’s this special little feature that videos my look- alike, so people think I’m actually going to college or trade school (trade school - you mean learn how to do something with my hands, like work?).  This video  has a viral thingie so other people (other people?) think I’m actually there when I’m not. I mean, how artificial can you get?  So cool. Pretty soon, I won’t have to do anything but just be looked at by my cell phone which, if I press ANOTHER app, takes 100s and 100s of selfies of ME (is there anyone else?)!  I mean, I’m like, you know, like.